looking back...

As my brain fog is beginning to lift after our crazy year of moving/planting a church/moving again, I've spent some time looking back and thinking about God's goodness... even when it didn't feel so good in the moment.


I've thought about how hard it was to say goodbye to a truly wonderful church family.  A group who encouraged us, cared for us, befriended us and entrusted ministry to us.  In the early months here it was easy to feel lonely and wonder what purposes God had for us in this place.
          ...And then we started to see people come.  People not even connected to us in any way, but                orchestrated by God to enter into our lives and Ignite Church.  We've become friends, heard            their amazing stories and have quickly come to love this new church body deeply - just as we 
          still love the first church we served in.


I've thought about how, many years ago, God put an excitement in my heart to adopt children some day.  When our Haddie turned one year, I was determined that it must be time to start the process to adopt.  After several days of prayer Steve and I both agreed God's response was "Not now".  I felt so devastated.  How could something so good have a right time and a wrong time? 
Two more times since then we have sought the Lord and both times heard a clear, "Wait."  Sadness and tears abounded as I often wondered when we would be able to bring our other children home.
          ...Yet now as I look back at the challenges of this past year and the countless times I
          felt as if I was barely keeping my head above water, I can see God's wisdom in having us wait. 
          The year was good but a hard transition for the two children we have right now.  Every ounce
          of my physical and emotional energy was used up between assisting Steve with church "stuff"
          moving twice, and trying to help our kiddos feel loved and adjusted in our new life here.  I     
          can't wait to see our family grow (and we think the right time might be on the horizon!) but
          I'm thankful God was gracious in showing us his will - even though I didn't like it at the time.


There are so many more situations I could write about - like how Steve wrestled through some tough, tough situations in ministry before we moved (yet sheltered all the while under the wings of some amazing and godly mentors)...and how those things of the past have absolutely helped prepare him for handling issues here with grace and wisdom now that he's "on his own".  Then there's how I didn't even want to plant a church.  I kept thinking about how there are so many great churches in this country, and most of them not even full.  It seemed ridiculous to me to leave everything comfortable and go with my husband to start a new one.  ...My heart has obviously been changed and I've been blown away by the stories of how God is using Ignite Church.  It is so humbling and such an amazing gift to see it all unfold.  




 As we seek God's will for our lives, sometimes it's easy to understand why he directs us the way he does.  And of course there are some instances we won't fully understand while we're on this earth.  ...But then there are the situations we come to understand after some time.  After we grow.  And after we learn to trust him a little bit more...   :)


"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,"  declares the Lord.   ""As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."   ~Isaiah 55:8-9